32. You were SUPPOSED to be 100% honest with me....

I know the word "sin" has to do with religion, and that's bad, but I still wish you did not lie......

When I woke up, Ashley and Phillip were already gone - she was right. She promised me this would happen, so this was a good sign of her being in an honest and open relationship with me.

I climbed out of the tent, which was kind of small for a three person tent, and looked around. It was a nice camp site. We were at the base of these big desert rocky hills and there was bushy sage that smelled good covering all around us. It smelled really good!

Dharmit was sitting at the picnic table hunched over his phone with his big backpack on. It looked like he had another picnic table in his backpack it was so big!

"Wow Dharmit, do you have another picnic table in your back pack? How could it be so big! Do you need all that stuff today?"

Dharmit said, "This is just climbing stuff. Do you need to have breakfast or anything? Want to eat on the way? Ashley and Phillip left like an hour ago, we should probably go catch up with them."

"Okay, which way?" I asked, and walked over to the entrance to the dirt road, which was like 5 feet away. I didn't see anyone around.

"Well we have to drive there. I already drove them over this morning, because you know, one car," he responded.

"Oh... I see! Well, I'm not very hungry, let's just get going."

He stood up and his tesla automatically turned on and made that growling sound, like a robot cat. "Wow," I said, "Your car sounds so cool."

"Thanks, I like it too," doing this little eyebrow raise while he said it, getting into the car.

We pulled out of the campground and I saw that sign that said "Skull Hollow", just like Dharmit said it was called.

I said, "It doesn't seem that hollow to me, haha!"

Dharmit looked at me quickly and said, "oh yeah, right, haha", and drove out super fast on to the road.

We drove for about 5 minutes through a bunch more of the sage bush desert, then we took a turn and we were approaching a gigantic spiky rock with a million cars all around it.

"Hello!" I said in a funny voice, looking at the rock. I was starting to feel like it might have been worth the 12 hour drive to get to this big spiky rock after all. It was kind of cool.

"Oh yeah, this is Smith rock all right," said Dharmit.

We parked and got all of our stuff out. I had my backpack and I didn't even remember what was inside of it. I don't even think I was going to need like 3 changes of clothes for one hike. It had snacks though, so that was good.

We started walking and walking, down this really steep and slippery dirt path. There was a ton of people walking around everywhere, some of them also had those big backpacks. Most of them just looked like normal people just walking around, though - really sweaty and holding disposable water bottles and with a bunch of kids, stuff like that.

We got down to a bridge after what seemed like forever, because of how steep and terrifying that first part was. That big spiky rock that we saw from the road was standing right in front of me now, like a condescending giant. It is a pretty rock, but it will never like, understand what it means to be a person. Like Krishnapoopi says, the rock just IS, but like, I also am but I can't be as simple as a rock. And right now that kind of sucks, because I might have a feeling like I have a little bit of diahrrea.

"I can't believe how far we are hiking! This is so fun!" I said.

Dharmit said, "Be careful, you will be too tired to climb when we get to the wall."

"That's crazy," I said, "It's not like we're like, climbing these walls." Dharmit laughed and shook his head, this I could barely see over the top of his big backpack.

Well we were just turning a corner and I saw maybe like a hundred people scattered around the enormous backside of this rock, and the cliffs were hundreds of feet tall, and sheer, and insane, and yeah, people were up there climbing it. Like, I thought Phillip and Ashley's rope was going to be for like, climbing up a steep trail. This is like the most insane thing I have ever seen!!!

"Um, what is going on? Are these people like training for the military or something?" I said.

Dharmit said, "This is the whole point. This is sick fun you know. Just wait we will start you on something so easy and fun for you, just you wait."

But the problem was I don't know if this was something I wanted to do anymore. I felt SO bad for making them take me here. It must have made Dharmit's tesla so much less efficient to have to haul me and all of my hiking stuff (which I am JUST realizing is like, NOT rock climbing stuff) to have to bring me as well. I have to keep pretending that this is the funnest thing though, and then I think I can probably just make up for not wanting to do it.

So we walked in silence for a while through this trail with these pine trees like they had back at home, and there was a river to our left. There was so many tourists that we were passing because Dharmit was walking SO fast, like he was a type of human tesla. We walked and walked and walked. Driving in, the park really didn't look this big. I had no idea what the heck was going on.

Then we were out of the trees and I saw Phillip up about 10 feet on the wall, and he was tied to Ashley through this hook and she was on the ground. They were screaming at each other.

Ashley was playing dope trance music from her phone, and yelling over it: "BABE! YOU GOT THIS! You have NEVER CAME DOWN FROM A ROUTE EVER!" like, no offense to her, but I think she was yelling like a little louder than she needed to. Phillip was like barely off the ground.

Phillip said, "I just don't know why I can't fucking do this fucking route! I can climb like 2 grades harder than this in the gym! GREEOOOWWWAH!" And he tried to do like one move as he screamed, and fell immediately, lifting Ashley off the ground almost to his height. He SCREAMED at the top of his lungs "FUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" That was like so scary and triggering to me right now, I don't know why. I guess I just thought that like hiking and climbing were going to be like, way more spiritual than this? Especially after they are such a big Krishnapoopi fan?

What the heck was going on?

Dharmit was laughing, and said "Hello guys. Having a nice time on Smith rock already?" They totally ignored him.

I whispered to Dharmit, "What is going on? Are they seriously climbing this?"

Dharmit said, "Probably not. This is like Phillips second time climbing outside and no offense to him but he is just not really that good. This place is like famous for being so hard and I warned him about that."

"Oh, wow, that is so crazy," I said.

Dharmit said to Ashley and Phillip, "Let me know if you want me to set it up! I'll be hanging out down here with Leia! Don't be jealous!"

Ashley and Phillip like completely ignored us.

"Do you know how to climb this wall?" I asked Dharmit.

He said, "Well I have been coming here since I was like 10. I moved to the US when I was 7 from India and my parents, like, they just put me in this class and I just got to keep practicing and practicing this, so like, yeah, I can do it."

"That's so cool," I said. "You must be like the strongest guy I ever met," and I looked at him up and down like a sexual harrassment video, like doing helicopter eyes and elevator eyes... and caught myself doing it and got so embarrassed. He actually looked like a stick so it didn't make any sense to me how he could do 1000 pull ups up a wall. We shall see, we shall see, as they say.

We were chilling and I took out my giant bag of vegan beef jerkey and took a few nibbles. This stuff was so healthy, but every time I am eating it right now, it almost instantly makes me want to throw up and go to the fetal position. I don't understand what's wrong with me and why my body is having such a wrong reaction to something that is so objectively good that it couldn't possibly be bad for you. Like the scientists literally just made meat out of raw chemicals. There is nothing that could possibly be wrong with it to make you sick, unless (I feared), that there was something like deeply wrong with me, on like a zodiac level, where the universe was trying to prevent me from becoming the change I wanted to see in the world.

Dharmit had like so many snacks, I was so jealous but didn't want to ask for his charity, because I know my place. He had like 5 brands of protein bars and like so many five hour energies, I wished I could share in with his delicious looking picnic. I don't know him like that.

There was a bunch of people behind us now, looking at their phone, then up at the wall, and back and forth between them, like a nodding dance rythm. They were pointing at it and then they took a seat on the hill side and started getting out some gear. I guess they were getting in line to climb it.

"Hey, do you know how long he's gonna be?" One of them asked me, a super tall guy with a tie-dyed bandana on his head and no shirt on.

"Oh, um, well, I think that he will probably just like, take um, I just -" I said, and Dharmit interrupted, "Oh if he doesn't get this in 5 minutes, I bet he's done for the day. But I'm going up after him, you might want to find a different route to start on."

The guy said, "That's so funny, actually like, we've definitely already climbed like 5 other routes today, so it's not a warm up - but yeah we'll just stick around until you're all done, this route is SO bomber."

Phillip was getting ready to try again. He said, "CLIMBING" super loud, even though he was literally like right above Ashley and she could totally hear him without a scream, and he tried stepping up onto this tiny foot step and immediately slipped off and screamed "FUCK!!" soooo loud and so mean!! I was terrified that either he would die or he was going to walk around and rampage on everyone after making his climbing rope into a vicious weapon.

He was dangling again there next to Ashley, this time a little lower, like his feet were only 5 or 6 feet off the ground now. "I'm going to TRY AGAIN, JUST WAIT!" he screamed into the wall. Ashley looked back at me, like so bored and disgusted (I think?).

"Hey Ashley have you guys been here the whole time? Sorry we are sooo late!" I said smiling.

Ashley started to respond, "Yeah, Phillips been researching this route forever, he really wants --"

Then Phillip interrupted her, screaming out: "I DIDN'T ""RESEARCH IT"" (and he did bunny ear quote fingers), I READ ABOUT IT LIKE 5 TIMES, WHEN I WAS BORED!"

Wow, honestly, this is the maddest person I have seen since Gum drop learned that we didn't like one of her pins. I thought that was scary, but this person, this Phillip Diaper, he has the power of male violence and that is the scariest thing of all.

"I'M TRYING AGAIN!" he said, quickly stepping up onto a bigger foot hold. Then he went back up for the tiny foot again and reached even higher, up to a better hand hold, and he stepped up for a second, screamed, then fell back to about one foot off the ground. He was dangling there like one foot off the ground, and he bonked his helmet head onto the wall like three times, slapped his leg, then said, "just put me down." back to Ashley, who plopped him on the ground.

Phillip was extracting himself from all of his harnessed and clips and knots way more calm than he was 5 seconds ago. Once he was out he said, "Go for it Dharmit," and when I looked over at Dharmit, he was already prepared to go up and climb. He went up to the wall and tied into the rope.

Ashley smiled at him and said, "You got this!"

Dharmit did a small smile and then he started climbing up the wall, and he went up higher than Phillip right away, and then he kept on going, and within about 5 minutes, he was yelling out to put him down. What the heck!!!!! And I thought Phillip was a beast? Dharmit is basically a god of this!!

"Damn, Dharmit really crushed it!!! Let's gooo!!" I said, trying to be fun and cool.

Phillip started droning on and on about how Dharmit has so much more experience than him and that's why he couldn't do it. He was saying, "What you don't like, understand about climbing is that it's like, so different in the gym and outside, and like yeah, there's stuff I can do in the gym that Dharmit can't, and like, this route just isn't my specialty, and like, Dharmit has probably climbed like every route here, so it's not even a real comparison, and like," and he just kept on going!

Dharmit was back on the ground now, after getting lowered down what looked like 100 stories on nothing but that thick string, and he said, "You totally could have had that Phillip. It's a lot easier after that move."

Phillip took out this bottle that looked like some nutrition shake and was eating a granola bar. He took a bite, and through his chewing said, "Yeah I'll give it another try. Why don't you belay me? I think Ashley was actually like pulling me down. She does that sometimes." he said, chewing and biting and drinking. Ashley looked at me like she was going to laugh, and started untying herself.

She came over and sat next to me, saying "Go ahead then," to Phillip.

Phillip crushed down the rest of his snack and went back up to the wall. Ashley whispered to me, "He is so bad at this, but he is like obsessed with it. Don't tell him this, but like, I went on this trip here with this group of people last year, and we all climbed this in like 10 minutes. He's been here an hour. I feel like, a little bad, but, come on!"

"Haha, that is kind of funny," I said to her. It wasn't super supportive of her to say that about her husband, but she was just doing real talk, so that is cool and confidential and it is good that she was spreading negativity in that way.

The group of people behind us were starting to look a little impatient. They were going on and on and on about which colleges they all went to, how long it took them to graduate, which jobs they got, how much money they were making, which internships they all got, how big their apartments were, blah blah blah. And I'm not jealous, but like they were all a part of companies that I know pay like a trillion dollars. Companies like google and amazon, which I guess the people I'm with are at too, but they don't like rub it in my face that I'm just a fired coffee shop worker with possible blood on my friends hands. Like I'm from a different badass world that's cool in other ways, even though I don't have a good job, or like, a lease, and stuff like that.

Phillip was back in and Dharmit was talking him through the moves that he was stuck on before, so calmly and nicely. I said to Ashley, "He is like so calm like a yoga teacher and like has totally good energy."

She laughed and looked slightly offended, and said, "I mean true, but like, isn't that a little stereotypical?" and while she was waiting for me to respond, which I didn't know how to, because literally like, I spend 99% of my waking energy in life trying NOT to be judgemental, she just put her arm around me and kissed me on the cheek and said, "well it's fine, I guess you just mean it in a nice way." and then she looked back up at the wall.

Well I didn't realize it, but Phillip had gotten a little past where he was stuck last time, and he was stuck dangling again, and he was looking back at Ashley and me. He must have seen when Ashley kissed me on the cheek, because he had this look on his face like he was a bomb 1 second from exploding.

I don't understand what was happening..... wasn't he supposed to be this super good climber and good guy with his life all together and like super open and supportive of his wife? Was that screenshot that Ashley showed me of him giving ethical consent for our relationship actually a deepfake?

He growled down to Dharmit, while staring at Ashley, "This shit is just too hard. Put me down. Let's go somewhere else."

The bros behind us who were talking about there jobs looked embarrassed for Phillip and were laughing a little. I felt like the air was so thick with emotions that I was going to drown in this strange gas called life.