31. I don't know what he meant by that... but it shocked me to my bone....

Deliver me from this, oh PLEASE!

I only knew the speech had ended because of the massive applause around me. I was so stupified by the words of Krishnapoopi and also a little starstruck. What was really interesting is that I felt like the type of advice that Krishnapoopi was giving sort of made me feel like I had to change everything about my life and the way I had been living, and that the way I had been living might have been like bad, or dangerous, but I didn't have to feel bad about it. It kind of like made me upset because yeah, I felt in a way like I had been given this huge criticism, but he didn't even say it, it was like he forced me to criticise myself by saying almost nothing. I didn't understand this power.

"Okay let's go," said Phillip, trying to cut by like everyone who was still applausing. We were dead in the middle of a row that ended up pretty packed from some other late comers, and people were giving us like huge eyes that made me cower in fear from their threatenening vibe, but we traversed that wall of terror none the less (like the rock climbing we're going to do, so that was actually kind of good practice, I think.). Ashley had grabbed my hand so we didn't get lost, and it felt so strange, because like, Tiny and I barely held hands last week when we were dating. It gave me a prickle in my neck and a cringe in my spine, and my shirt felt 3 sizes to big. I was starting to wonder if maybe this is what love felt like?

We beat like most of the crowd by budging everyone in our row, even though it kind of felt like a life or death sort of "are these Jordan Peterson fans going to kill us for budging them" type of issue, but whatever, we were at the car now.

"Well that was cool," said Dharmit, "You know, basically everyone thinks that Krishnapoopi is a big joke in India, but I kind of get it, why he like so popular with Americans. You all make things so complicated. Take for example your political system. Did you know in India, there is......" and he trailed off and talked for probably the next 45 minutes without stopping.

I couldn't believe 45 minutes had passed. Weren't we supposed to be close by now?

Ashley was texting me again, she was saying, "You know I'm poly right?" and then she typed a wink emoji. I wrote back, "yea totally". Then she turned to me and smiled.

Phillip was yawning super loud and talking about climbing with Dharmit, about how he had been "sending it so hard" in the gym lately. Dharmit was saying how that was sweet, bro.

I am glad that we were taking a long week at this place, because the drive was so much longer than I expected it to be. Not that I had any problems back at home, but it felt good to be far away from all of the drama and potential bad blood that I was having with my friends before leaving. I said, "Do you guys drive this far like all the time?"

Phillip turned back and said, "Yeah Ashley loves going on road trips and meeting new people so we usually have a 3 day weekend every weekend. It might even be relaxing if it wasn't for the 10 hour drive every time!" And then he laughed but he sounded like a crow or some sort of bad bird, not like he thought it was funny. It's not that crows are bad, I'm just saying crows OR a bad bird - like two separate possible categories of how he might have sounded.

Dharmit said, "I take trips sometimes. I like sticking close by though, so relaxing." And then he did that italian kiss-exploding hand gesture, demarking good taste.

Then he went on, "I know the perfect camp site. I always camped here with my cousin." He took a cigar from behind the fold down mirror and put it behind his ear. "It's called Skull Hollow. That is so scary right? Wooooo." And he did a ghost sound. Then he cracked another 5 hour energy while he was driving and threw it back.

Phillip looked so impatient. I didn't know why he looked impatient, like, he was the one that was so excited for this trip, like it meant so much to him. He did another huge yawn and started smacking the door to the sound of the music that was playing, which was some type of garage gaze hyper core rock, not like the usual ambient beats or hip hop that I listen to with my woke friends back at home. This was not EDM, if you know what I mean. He was trying to hit along to the beat but like it was too fast and he kept muttering things to himself.

Ashley texted me again, it was a screen shot of a text that she did with Phillip. The date was from like, a whole year ago. It was him providing ethical written consent that she could also be in a relationship with other people!!! His text said "I don't care"!! She smiled and put her phone down looking happy. We were just pulling in to the campgrounds.

It was pitch dark now, up to this red glow on the distant horizon way across the scrubby desert. I guess that was from some forest fires that happened. Did you know that forest fires are getting worse and worse because people are actually like, living in places where the woods are supposed to just keep burning down over and over? I literally just learned that from a podcast like 5 minutes ago. So yeah, maybe we should give all the land back to the natives.

"I know how to put the fu- the um, the tent together Ashley, just give me a second," said Phillip. For a second, I thought he was gonna get nasty like a boog.

My friends back at home, they could be so nasty, but it was always like, kind of cute and for the right reasons. I didn't know if any of these people were going to be cute like that; to me, to each other, or even to a stranger who is obviously also chill. Dharmit had already gotten his tent together within like 5 minutes, and I am pretty positive I could hear him snoring in there.

Phillip was having so much trouble with the tent, it was crazy. These giant poles were clinking around and flying around, and he kept throwing all these little ropes and little bits of metal everywhere and swearing to himself, and the light attached to his skull was flailing around so much it looked like an epilepsy strobe light. Was that fun for him?

Ashley came over from the trunk of the car with a beer for me. I looked down: it was an imperial triple hop hazy single hop IPA, 9.1 percent. Yeah, this girl knows me. Maybe she was chill after all? She handed it to me without looking at me, she was staring at Phillip and drinking from her own IPA beer can.

Phillip was doing that for what seemed like forever. I looked up into the giant cloudless sky, seeing all of these satellites and a dark sliver moon. I took another sip and just let the clinking of Phillips tent be a type of chill meditation.

"Are you and Phillip married?" I whispered to Ashley.

She kept staring forward at him, rustling all of those tent poles around in an infinite clinking and rustling dance that could have been from some cool tribe ceremony.

She said, "Yeah, we are. I didn't take his last name though because it's kind of like, a weird last name. It's Diaper? So yeah, I just kept my own last name, which I like, and besides like, I have such a huge online following with my own last name that I couldn't really change it now, or else basically no one would be able to find me."

"Wow," I said, "Phillip Diaper. Yeah that is kind of a weird name... well thanks for letting me sleep in your tent by the way."

She looked at me and winked and said, "Oh no problem, it's going to be fun!"

By the time me and Ashley finished our beers, Phillip had gotten the tent most of the way up and said, "Please get the sleeping bags in the tent, now. Please?" the way he said please sounded so weird and twisted. I don't know why, but I am getting this like, scary vibe about Phillip. I am probably just tired though.

I felt like time was standing still when I starting helping file things into the tent. Maybe it was just that dank IPA hitting my blood brain barrier, where the hops can activate my pineal gland. I realized that this was the first time in months that 1. I was sleeping with strangers, 2. I was not sleeping at Tiny's. I didn't know if it felt like a good thing or bad thing.

Well we all went into the tent, one by one, and the sleeping bags were all unzipped and laid out like blankets. It was crazy how hot it was during the day, because it was legit cold right now. I guess that's what deserts do. It made me miss houses and miss the city, to think about that I was in this type of desert right now.

Phillip was on the end and Ashley was in the middle, and I was on the other end, laying down like sardines. Usually my friends and I sleep like, in a circle, with our feet facing the middle, on Tiny's big rug. That way, we can like, all radiate our energy equally outward while we sleep, which both keeps the good vibes in and forms a protective barrier around us that keeps bad vibes out. People don't know how important things like geometry is in all parts of our life. In fact, one youtube video I watched said that the next big invention will basically just be a new type of circle, and it's going to make infinite energy. Maybe we just need a few more brains on that problem, I thought, even though I know that what Phillip and Ashley are doing at google, where they control what search results pop up, that's really important to because it makes sure that everyone has the right opinions.

Any way when we laid down, Ashley basically immediately started making out with me. What the HECK was going on? I didn't even ask or care. Phillip was laying straight as a board, and he wasn't saying shit. For the rest of the night me and Ashley basically pretended that Phillip didn't exist, and HE was snoring within like 5 minutes, just like Dharmit.

Before we fell asleep, Ashley said, "FYI, Phillip and I are leaving like super early tomorrow so he can work this one really cool route before anyone else gets there. So don't worry if we're gone before you in the morning."

"Okay," I said.

As I was falling asleep, I tried thinking about what Krishnapoopi had said on the stage. I couldn't really remember anything besides how good of a vibe it was. What I could remember, which was playing over and over in my head like a bike wheel spinning, was Jordan Peterson whining about how Lucifer was the bringer of light. I actually didn't feel like I understood anything at all about religion. I fell asleep thinking about that.